1 year ago today I got married. I remember the special vibes of the day. We woke up early after a night of passionate lovemaking and headed to the beach. It was chilly out, kind of day that required a warm sweater.
Being by the water felt right to us for our commitment ceremony. We chose a beautiful spot. We set up a wedding altar on a colourful offering cloth, and faced each other. We declared our love and commitment to our Gods and the Ancestors. That was it.
It was simple. It was beautiful. It was the truest wedding I have ever had. It was us.
We chose a spiritual marriage for ourselves. After 15 years of being together we felt married anyway. Both of us had walked the marriage path before.
I know my first major union was a play marriage. I was 17, and committed myself to the father of my first 2 children.
That relationship was solely based on my childish understanding of love that I had gotten from the dozens of Harlequin romance novels that were my favorites since the age of 12.
At the ripe old age of 24, I got married. Legally. It was a learning experience. So was my divorce 8 years later. It was really about creating the gift of my 2 youngest children.
This time, my union to Omari has been designed by us. We created our idea of marriage that has really come from our soul place. And we have mixed in our practical experience.
It has not been an easy journey and we have put in tons of work to keep our relationship strong, against sometimes impossible odds.
We both brought children into our relationship. We both had messy residual circumstances with our ex partners. I was going through a messy divorce when we first met
Building an unconventional relationship can be very complex. He deals with the fact that I am a Sex and Love coach. The way I handle his quirky way of thinking as he processes like an entrepreneur does. Through it all we choose each other every time.
What I realized is that it does not happen in a bubble where the circumstances will be perfect and set up to flow like those romance novels I was so fascinated with. You will come in with baggage and hurt that you will fling around with with many ‘messy’ pieces to solve and heal.
You will get up in all the pieces, blending the family, sharing the love, it is worth the time and anguish to come out on top.
Our marriage does not look like anyone else’s. we run two separate households because of our children. The blended family thing did not work for us. We still survived.
We are both entrepreneurs who are strong spirited. The distance builds our closeness and creates the fire we both love when we are together.
What allowed us to stay strong is by creating a loving safety net that we both could depend on. What worked for us was building in the trust we needed on the days we are not together versus the days we are.
It was loving him even on the days that his face drove me crazy. Being able to process my trauma and grief that had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my childhood and past domestic abuse suffered at the hands of my other partners.
What was key for us was pacing it out in our own way and not getting caught up with what seemed right for others. We held each other when we walked the tightrope of financial uncertainty and teenager distress.
We practice love exercises to build our intimacy and trust. These practices ensure our togetherness and keep us rooted in each other.
We decided that this time we did not need a big fancy ring or a huge ceremony in front of a judge or religious officiant. Highly spiritual people we are, but the traditional means of expression is just not what we do.
The intimate way we chose to pledge ourselves to each other was reflective of the way we shared our love and our lives. That is what felt the realest to us. We are people who were drawn together because we beat to a different drum.
Our spiritual marriage reflects just that!
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